On Retaliation

So, I got the idea for this post from an encounter on the roads. I had pulled out in the lane beside a car who had cut me off, and when I got stuck in my new lane and tried to pull back in front of the car who had cut me off, I started a war.

It lasted only the amount of time we were both on that same freeway together, yet it serves as a prime example of why you really have to watch out for other people.

Why is this important ?

As a sufferer of Borderline Personality Disorder, I’m one twig branch snapping away from hating everyone and everything. This means that my bar for being offended is low, and my desire for retaliation is high. Being easily triggered can cause me to get into some undesirable stand-offs with other humans. It’s like the pain I see blinds me from understanding how my retaliatory actions come off to and affect the other person.

What does this mean for the people in your life ?

Great question. The truth is I have reduced that number to a select circle, for many of the reasons stated above. I lost plenty of friends to retaliatory behavior, many of which I felt was justified at the time. I see now that my reactions come from my processing of external stimuli through my borderline pathway, and that it tends to default to combative forms of self-expression. I’m a fighter, who communicates through fighting. That is my Trauma Response.

How does it feel to accept this about yourself ?

Frustrating. It’s as if I wish everyone else knew this when they approached me, so they would know what to expect and how to handle me. Yet, how could anyone know if I only just came to understand this about myself ? Perhaps my communication is just as vital to a healthier approach to conflict as an acceptance of my trauma response.

How do I figure out my style of Trauma Response ?

Great question, and I’m so glad you asked.

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/fight-flight-freeze-fawn

https://lifestance.com/blog/four-types-trauma-response/

The sites above can provide some information on the four types of trauma responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Identifying which one applies most to you could take some time and self-reflection, yet I promise it’ll help you better understand your approach to conflict and the actions you take when you feel threatened.

As always, thanks for reading and supporting

love y’all xoxox -em