The Mindset
Gotta get in the right mindset, don’t you see ?
Adopt a new perspective to add new insight
Where a healthy mind thrives, a better life may be
See the world a whole new way, you just might
How to interact with others, when out and about
What it means to be human, all my failings exposed
How to be humble, be better, and not flout
Yet retain self-confidence, a good character to show
It has already taken me quite a long time
To understand each other, and the human mind
At first it didn’t make sense, I couldn’t draw the line
I’m still learning, I’m still growing, it all takes time
How to love myself, without external help
And be my own best friend, show up for myself
This allowed me to slow my life, ponder and welp
I sit alone with four walls, just me and my self
why ?
Nothing makes sense anymore; as if it ever did before. I can muck up almost anything *
Perhaps if I drink enough coffee and smoke enough weed, I won’t need to eat .
I have been contemplating the word demeaning, and what it means to reduce someone to something else, dehumanizing. Specifically, what makes me feel demeaned and dehumanized ? And how could I be guilty of the same ?
I feel demeaned when someone says one thing to me, but knowingly thinks another. One could call it lying, but it’s more subtle than that. It’s a conscious decision not to share information. As a Gemini, I live for knowledge, and I consider keeping truths to be a betrayal. I feel demeaned and dehumanized by the idea of intentionally deciding to hide truths from me, regardless of whatever the truth is. If there’s a truth that someone in my life decides they have to keep from me, perhaps they should consider why that is. ANd don’t even get me started on abandonment !
On the other side, perhaps my own negative perceptions of others leads me to view people as bad, or unworthy, which in turn creates this sense of demeaning in my descriptions of them. I see them as less than human because of the pain, hurt, and betrayal, so I subconsciously dehumanize them in my mind and thoughts. Perhaps we are all guilty of this. It is hard to say what is right and what is wrong here. Perhaps the same is true: I am not qualified to be making that judgement of other humans, either. So, in order to stop demeaning and dehumanizing, I must first stop judging.
Avoiding judgement is impossible for someone with my condition (Borderline Personality Disorder). Passing judgement is a form of self protection. It allow me to feel more in control of my settings and surroundings. As someone who struggles with social anxiety, it allows me to feel a sense of control when I would otherwise be overwhelmed. I was going to say it allows me to feel like one of the group, but is this actually true ? In fact, it seems more likely that by judging everyone I am actually removing myself from the “group thought” if you will. I have always been proud of my originality, yet its important to understand how I created an outcast of myself.
UGH ! So, how are we guilty of demeaning and dehumanizing others ?
My immediate thought is the idea of deification of a celebrity. Sure, to a certain degree all the famous egos want us to tell them that they’re a God, but how is this actually detrimental to their own soul ? Excuse me for getting all spiritual on you, but who goes to Heaven that Falsely Thinks he is a God in his first Life ? We should be reeling in celebrities from the land of golden clouds, not placing them on a pedestal like the Oscars they hold. Beyond actors, there’s front (wo)men of bands, who are often idolized beyond the rest of the band despite being equally as talented. Admiration of others is a natural human condition and worshipping of celebrities a worldwide human phenomenon. Yet, we should be mindful of the dehumanization which occurs whenever humans begin to idolize another. Actors, Athletes, comedians, you name it. Anyone who is idolized is dehumanized. Do you agree ?
In my own mind, I reduce others to emotional interactions I had with them. I hold a lot of grudges, and I hardly forget anything. Strong negative emotional interactions may cause me to lash out, either immediately, or with a delayed response. These attacks are almost always typed, as I am aware that I hide behind the screen.
Yet, these people who hurt me. I guess, they’re human too, And I hate them, because they hurt me. But, I am guilty of demaning them when I lash out with my words. I’m guilty of dehumanizing them when I look back in anger, and only remember the negative. These are the truths of my human condition.
A life of hurt begets a life of pain.
Best & blessed,
em
<3
* adapted from Lincoln’s “Banks”
Pulp Juice
Where would I be now if we never met?
Would I be sitting here writing this poem about someone else instead ?
Boy, I must’ve been out of my mind
To let you in like that
Now, all the walls look the same,
yet only shadows turn the corner
Outside all the streets are the same,
Yet we don’t walk hand-in-hand anymore
Funny how a change in perspective can make everything feel different
Funny how a chance encounter can change your life forever
They’re always looking for the next big thing
Will you make the most of your time ?
Slowly soften the language
Nothing compares 2 U
Control issues, power struggles, Capricorn moon
Uncertainty, future anxieties, dark chaos
Have you seen my cutting board ?
It must be around here somewhere
Some days you win, some days you lose
Some days you get blocked from YouTube
-em ?
1/11/2023
Featuring lyrics from Pulp, Beyoncé, & Sinéad O’Connor
On Retaliation
So, I got the idea for this post from an encounter on the roads. I had pulled out in the lane beside a car who had cut me off, and when I got stuck in my new lane and tried to pull back in front of the car who had cut me off, I started a war.
It lasted only the amount of time we were both on that same freeway together, yet it serves as a prime example of why you really have to watch out for other people.
Why is this important ?
As a sufferer of Borderline Personality Disorder, I’m one twig branch snapping away from hating everyone and everything. This means that my bar for being offended is low, and my desire for retaliation is high. Being easily triggered can cause me to get into some undesirable stand-offs with other humans. It’s like the pain I see blinds me from understanding how my retaliatory actions come off to and affect the other person.
What does this mean for the people in your life ?
Great question. The truth is I have reduced that number to a select circle, for many of the reasons stated above. I lost plenty of friends to retaliatory behavior, many of which I felt was justified at the time. I see now that my reactions come from my processing of external stimuli through my borderline pathway, and that it tends to default to combative forms of self-expression. I’m a fighter, who communicates through fighting. That is my Trauma Response.
How does it feel to accept this about yourself ?
Frustrating. It’s as if I wish everyone else knew this when they approached me, so they would know what to expect and how to handle me. Yet, how could anyone know if I only just came to understand this about myself ? Perhaps my communication is just as vital to a healthier approach to conflict as an acceptance of my trauma response.
How do I figure out my style of Trauma Response ?
Great question, and I’m so glad you asked.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/fight-flight-freeze-fawn
https://lifestance.com/blog/four-types-trauma-response/
The sites above can provide some information on the four types of trauma responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Identifying which one applies most to you could take some time and self-reflection, yet I promise it’ll help you better understand your approach to conflict and the actions you take when you feel threatened.
As always, thanks for reading and supporting
love y’all xoxox -em
Stormy Night
Poem ♥️
T’was one stormy night, when all through the flat
Not a creature was stirring, not even the cat
Raw chicken on the counter, sink full of dishes
Head all riled up, mind full of wishes
Where is he now ? Does he wonder 'about me ?
Why do I care ? Aren’t I thankful to be free ?
I lost all my friends, disapeared like a ghost
A few will stay, the ones who like me most
That sounds silly and it sounds conceited
It’s hard to appear modest, although needed
I said appear for a reason, I feel people are often confused
By what is said to be true and what is actually the truth
I can’t deal with this anymore, but it’s not like there’s anything to do
It’s still raining outside, and my head feels like a zoo.
-em @the_ilybabe 01/04/2023
